missing and hoping

i miss him.

i miss him, though it is not a specific him i really miss. i miss the idea of him.

the idea of being in love... of having someone who cares, who loves me.
someone who wants to be there for me, thick or thin, weak or strong.
someone who really loves me, who cares what happens to me, even if its stupid.
someone who makes me laugh when i'm crying, makes me happy instead of sad.
the idea of being happy...

i miss the comfort, the simple joy of having someone i can lean into when i need strength.
the joy of having someone to look foward to.

i miss it all...

there is not a him i miss when i think of all this, but an idea of a new him who will care for me the way i deserve. the way i will care for him. and i have to keep thinking he is out there, not loose hope.