at work today...

So my new attitude has apparently not been appreciated by my extremely immature coworkers. Some have noticed, some are too caught up in creating drama they haven't noticed yet. But overvall, I have decided to be "zen" about all this - I don't give a damn! Its a great feeling! I have apparently been blacklisted at work, somewhere some of my coworkers apparently decided i'm not to be spoken to, helped, or associated with. *shrugs* Works for me, less bullshit and more iPod I say! :D And since I'm all "fuck it" about everything, if they want to hate me, more power to them! I enjoy the peace and quiet of being able to get my job done in a timely fashion without stupidity. Its wonderful to realize I am going to be able to do what I want now at work too! They will continue to be hateful and stupid, and I'll continue ignoring them in pursuit of ending my workday peacefully. *sigh* Its such a great feeling!

meh

I'm ready for a break. I need my vacation bad. I need to get away for a little bit to see that there is more to life than sitting on my couch after work. I need to see people who care about me (not that people here don't, but sometimes its nice to feel wanted, instead of just here). I want fun and excitement and different. Lately all I've been is bored, tired, and ordinary. I have decided tonight that I am going to do things right. I need to move. Period. Arkansas has done what I needed it to do for me, but I need more. I will definitely be moving to San Diego sometime this year. The sooner the better. *Prays mom wins the lottery soon*

I'm also done being bored. I have to look at life differently. I need to be who I am, not what I got beaten into being. I am tired of being boring and tired. I might be tired, but its going to be because I've been having fun. I'm 25, and I'm fairly healthy. I've been given a second chance to live, and so far I haven't been doing much with it, and I'm ashamed to admit that. I need to have fun, and do more than just sit on my couch and talk to people online. Now, I'm not saying that I don't enjoy that, because I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't, but I know there is more to life than this. I will be doing all I can to have a good time, and stay in a positive mood from now on. I need to focus on moving, and being healthy. My vacation to San Diego in two weeks will definitely help that. It will improve my mental well-being, which should improve everything else. Plus it will help everything else seem real, and it will help solidify my intentions on moving.

I know I said before on this very blog I need to take better care of myself. Well I finally have the motivation! My fear is being replaced by a "fuck it" attitude. By that, I mean that I am tired of feeling like I can't do anything in my life. I can do whatever I want, and fuck whoever tries to get in my way. I've been a big girl for a while now, so I need to stop thinking like a child, and just do the things I want. I am going to get as many tattoos as I want, or dye my hair whatever color I choose, or pierce everything I can on my body if that is what I want to do. I'm going to be who I want, where I want, when I want, and how I want. Thankfully. Now, its time for me to get ready for work tomorrow, with my new attitude... I'm not sure how that is going to go, but I know I'm gonna have fun anyway!

up to my knees

the excuses for reasons not to see me when i go to san diego next month just keep piling around me. soon, i'll have to dig my way out if i'm not careful. what makes me mad is all of these people are supposed to be my friends, and have been begging me to come visit forever. now that i am finally going to be out there, everyone has better things to do: work trip out of the country (so far only acceptable one), trip out of town even though they KNEW when i was coming and their trip was planned after, stupid bullshit drama. i'm half expecting to hear someone say they have to wash their hair those days that i'm there. *rolls eyes* what is sad is i have friends in other cities who would really love to see me, but instead of going to see them, i planned san diego so that i could see a majority of people, but now they dont want to see me. pathetic. i'm glad at least this is showing me who my real friends are.

horor-scope

so i get my daily horoscope free every day from my cell phone carrier, and sometimes they seem like a fortune cookie reading, but the one i got today was just very on point:

Cancer: You can no longer tolerate a toxic work environment, so it's time to head for greener pastures.

i thought that was hilarious! i have been so frustrated at work lately, that this just seems like the most perfect fortune cookie/free horoscope i've gotten in a long time. just had to share with everyone!

oh and i forgot to mention

this is how ghetto it is where i used to live...in the night picture of the snow below, the corner of the building with the bush is where a guy got shot to death three days after this picture is taken. that picture was taken from my front door. (so glad i don't live there anymore!)

snow?!?!?!?!!?

oh i will be so excited if it really snows today! I love the snow! it's really only supposed to be a "wintery mix" which means crap weather - snow and sleet and freezing rain... basically its cold enough for the rain to freeze and stick to the ground and freak everyone out. thankfully, if it does this, i'll be home! (which means i WONT be stuck at work for 2 days...it has happened) i'm not sure max likes the snow, because a few years ago when it snowed really bad for a few days, i don't think he could quite figure it out... :D it was fun to watch him sniff around in the snow and try to eat the falling snowflakes. so here is my hope for the day: i hope it snows real snow, and not that freezing rain mix nonsense! *crosses fingers* oh please oh please oh please! the last pictures i have of the snow were from Valentines Day 2004.... it was soooo pretty

girls night out

i so needed that! my amy and i went to fox and the hound tonight, and played who knows how many games of pool... it was a blast. loud music, drinks all around and our own pool table...it almost couldn't have been better! i got to see my nephew tonight also, which was fun. he learned a few new things this week, so i got entertained. also, i took a few pictures, so those should be up on flickr tomorrow maybe ? but this was the best way i could think to kick off my three day weekend! i'm glad i went out! (i'm also really glad class got canceled.) i just hope the rest of my weekend will be this fun/relaxing!

whoo hoo!

alright! class got canceled, i'm off for the next 3 days, i've got girls night tonight, AND its supposed to snow tomorrow! if this night gets any better, I'm gonna start getting paranoid! heheh

computer stupid

so i have decided that i will admit my computer stupidity.

*stands up* Hello, my name is Kendra, and I am a dumbass when it comes to fun computer stuff. *sits back down*

ok so now that i've admitted the problem, i can now hopefully work on my recovery. I used to have an idea or two about these things when i lived in california, but it seems now that i have moved away from the smart people, i lost iq points. it was as though crossing the state line dropped my intelligence by about 30pts. apparently bible belt means "technology bad". thankfully, my recovery has begun. i have been given some information, and will hopeully get back some of my smarts when i spend a weekend in Cali again here shortly. (the trick will be retaining it once i cross the border again) I used to be able to build towers and such, but i was never the genius when it came to internet stuff...editing, languages, etc. now, in arkansas, you may as well forget taking classes on these things... the idea of a computer class at the college i attend is "this is a mouse, this is a keyboard". *sigh* guess i'll just have to do it on my own!

zombies!

ok so i'm listening to this very disjointed discussion on surviving a zombie attack by a friend of mine... and its hilarous! the thought processes on zombies the listeners have just makes me laugh until i can't stop crying! i always have loved zombie movies, and even some games... (see resident evil, best of both worlds: game and movie) but this makes me realize that if the zombies DO attack, i'm screwed! i think i'll be safest if i'm with my friend who spent the time to put together this survival guide... he's heavily armed and has obviously put a lot of thought into how to survive. so... if zombies ever do land... i'll be listening to this again and hoping for the best! (if you are worried about the zombie influx, i'll happily let you hear this, so you as well can be prepared)

*argh*

so working during the dayshift is a pain in the ass - i can't wait to leave!!! i am about ready to scream at some of my coworkers, and also ready to just walk out i think. i can't decide. maybe i'll just scream and then leave early, so i don't hurt something. *shrugs* i got no sleep last night, i'm starting to get sick, and i'm stuck in the clean room with 2 of the more annoying coworkers i have. if i don't get out of here soon, i think i'll go crazy!! i just want to go home and sleep for a week, and wake up with my house clean, my fridge full, my dog groomed, and my paycheck here. *sigh* i can dream can't i ??

another 330am

so here i sit again, pondering life against the elevator music. well.. i was, until i remembered i brought my own music today. i have tuned out Barry Manilow! anyway - i have made some decisions about life and such... my life specifically. though i could make decisions about other peoples lives, i think they'd just assume i'm crazy, and wouldn't follow them. stupid free will. anyway... i have decided to better take care of myself... both mentally and physically. over the last few years, my health has come first, and has left my mental state broken and shattered. the discovery of my illness, followed shortly by two surgeries, a tumultus relationship and an even worse breakup have come close to breaking me. i am finally realizing i can live with my illness, and be alone and be alright. its still hard to find the motivation some days to get going, especially the "sick" days. but as long as i take care ofmyself, i should be alright...*crosses fingers* i have not only been recently tending to my fragile emotional state, but also tending to my almost forgotten physical state. its amazing what you forget when you are on the verge of hospitalization! i've never been a very high maintenance girl, but i think maybe its time to get in a habit of being at least medium maintenance. i got my hair done the other day, and i felt like a new person - it had been so long. i am finally off the horrible medication that made me sick all the time, and helped me gain 30lbs...so i am in a position to get back my body after my 2 surgeris, and 2 years of not being able to exercise. i have decided to become a gym rat - and a nutrition watcher. it will help my health, and my overall well being, as a movie once said " exercise gives you endorphines. endorphines make you happy. happy people just don't shoot their husbands" - maybe thats why i wanted to shoot my ex boyfriend - not enough exercise! heheheh anyway. i'm going to be the person i was before, but only better. lets just hope i have the support to make these changes! wish me luck

ok so shortly thereafter

i am still bored, but i have good news! for the first time in 2 years, i was not horribly ill on new years! *woo* i spent it at work, but nothing is perfect. i at least was enjoying the night... which i'm sure i would have just spent sleeping if i had been home. *shrugs*

so for updates - in case anyone actually is reading this thing:

i have made my plans to go to soCal for february 7 - february 11 of 2008! i'll be staying at a friends house in Rancho Bernardo, and i will have a rental car... so i'm all up for anyone who wants to go out! but start picking timeslots quick - i'm already going to disneyland one day with at least 2 people, so you are welcome to join (just remember, you have to pay for your own self). otherwise everything else seems to be unplanned as of yet.

i have decided i'm moving somewhere very soon. my lease is up in may, and unless my dad disowns me for not moving to Fargo, i'll be moving to San Diego! *yay again* i'm not sure what part or exactly what the plan is... but its gonna happen eventually. either that or i will kill myself trying. i can't stand this ultraconservative, bible -thumping, redneck state. *shudders* thankfull i'll be leaving the bible belt one way or another!

boredom reigns

0330 is a shitty time to be at work. especially when you work where i do. it is slow, boring, and otherwise a useless waste of time. i could be dreaming of naked penguins playing golf, or something else interesting, but no, i am at work, where i am not allowed to sleep. i cannot access the good or interesting websites. i can't even watch tv. *sigh* whats a girl to do to stay awake when she is being underutilized by her pharmacist? at least last night the pharmacist i worked with brought music so we cranked the tunes and stayed busy (i acutally was able to help and was entertained for hours). unlike tonight, where the pharmacists choice of music is the easy listening station... *zzzzzz*... oh sorry *startled* i must have dozed off to the elevator music. i can't even play good games online because of our stupid internet restrictions. so i am reduced to a puddle of my former self, exhausted beyond belief, my ears wanting to bleed from the horrible music (I think they actually just played jonh tesh...i may just inject myself with something deadly to make it end!), and my eyes straining to stay open. if i had something more exciting to do than write on a blog about being bored, i might wake up some. but alas, kendra is out of ideas...