meh

I'm ready for a break. I need my vacation bad. I need to get away for a little bit to see that there is more to life than sitting on my couch after work. I need to see people who care about me (not that people here don't, but sometimes its nice to feel wanted, instead of just here). I want fun and excitement and different. Lately all I've been is bored, tired, and ordinary. I have decided tonight that I am going to do things right. I need to move. Period. Arkansas has done what I needed it to do for me, but I need more. I will definitely be moving to San Diego sometime this year. The sooner the better. *Prays mom wins the lottery soon*

I'm also done being bored. I have to look at life differently. I need to be who I am, not what I got beaten into being. I am tired of being boring and tired. I might be tired, but its going to be because I've been having fun. I'm 25, and I'm fairly healthy. I've been given a second chance to live, and so far I haven't been doing much with it, and I'm ashamed to admit that. I need to have fun, and do more than just sit on my couch and talk to people online. Now, I'm not saying that I don't enjoy that, because I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't, but I know there is more to life than this. I will be doing all I can to have a good time, and stay in a positive mood from now on. I need to focus on moving, and being healthy. My vacation to San Diego in two weeks will definitely help that. It will improve my mental well-being, which should improve everything else. Plus it will help everything else seem real, and it will help solidify my intentions on moving.

I know I said before on this very blog I need to take better care of myself. Well I finally have the motivation! My fear is being replaced by a "fuck it" attitude. By that, I mean that I am tired of feeling like I can't do anything in my life. I can do whatever I want, and fuck whoever tries to get in my way. I've been a big girl for a while now, so I need to stop thinking like a child, and just do the things I want. I am going to get as many tattoos as I want, or dye my hair whatever color I choose, or pierce everything I can on my body if that is what I want to do. I'm going to be who I want, where I want, when I want, and how I want. Thankfully. Now, its time for me to get ready for work tomorrow, with my new attitude... I'm not sure how that is going to go, but I know I'm gonna have fun anyway!