sunday driving revelations

so i realized, on my way home from work today, that i keep getting worked up all over nothing lately. i was asked to be part of a business venture, i said "sure i'll help" but when i'm basically not being utilized at all, i got angry and frustrated. then i realized: i have no money in this. its not my "baby". what do i care? i have more free time this way. if and when they feel like they need me, they will realize i'm not there, or they will have to convince me another way that i will actually be utilized this time. *shrugs* its no longer my problem! :D

i also came to the conclusion that i do need to fix some things about myself. i need to get off my ass and put my health first, since i am a sicko. i can't avoid exercise like the plague i feel like it is sometimes. i also need to stop avoiding good foods for the preference of crap from a drive through. i need to put a higher value on myself and my time. i'm tired of people thinking they can walk all over me.

sick of "love"

so i'm laying in bed tonight, and realize that every damn channel i change to (short of animal planet and the weather channel) has something to do with a relationship or love. i'm really sick of this. i'm single, and i'm fine with that. granted, some times i get lonely. i won't deny that i wouldn't mind being in a good, healthy relationship. but fuck man: i'm sick of the overemphasis that our culture has placed on love. a girl can't be single. she has to be married, or engaged, or have a significant other. fuck. i'm just sick of it. i can't go anywhere without the idea of marriage shoved in my face. in fact, i heard about something that happened today with my grandmother. she ran into a childhood friend of mine's mother. apparently my old friend is engaged and happy as can be. this woman (her mother) has not seen me since i was about 6, so almost 20 years ago. the ONLY question she asked about me is if i was married or not. this really just makes me angry. she didn't ask if i was happy, or healthy. how i was doing or anything of the sort. just "has she gotten married yet?". i mean, really people. my soapbox is out now.

i don't have to be married to be happy. yes, eventually i would like to be married. but after 2 failed engagements, i'm a bit leery of the whole idea. i don't want to be like some of my friends and divorced before 30. i want the fairy tale marriage, where we don't get divorced. call me traditional in that (since you really can't in most other ways), but i want to get married once, and only once. maybe i'm crazy. but my parents have had their ups and downs, but they will have been married 35 years this year. i want that. so i'm not just going to jump into marriage, and thankfully i havent, otherwise those failed engagements might have meant i'd be working on my 3rd husband at 25. *shakes head* i just don't know how to deal with all the cultural emphasis on marriage and love and relationships. yes, i want to be with someone, and in love. do i think it is going to happen tomorrow? no. but that is just realistic, since i am not even currently dating anyone.

i just dont know what to do anymore. anyone got any ideas?

sunday morning

i'm not sure how i feel yet this morning. i am awake, after a VERY long day of being a geek yesterday, which unfortunately has carried over to this morning. i am still trying to reformat my other computer... which is proving more annoying than it should ever be. (why is linux acting like windows all of a sudden?!?!?)

i think this is the first easter in quite a while that i have had no plans, not had to work, and then been away from my family on top of that. and i sadly dont think i care. i'm not much on religious holidays, so easter to me was always an excuse to get chocolate from See's and go into a sugar coma. *shrugs* maybe that is bad... but we all know how i feel about religion!

i guess all in all this is shaping up to be another crazy sunday full of stuff to get done before the week ahead starts...

new day ahead!

so i actually woke up this morning not feeling 1000% dizzy! *woot* anyway this is making me want to get a million things done that i haven't been able to do since i got back from seattle. i have some bookshelves to purchase and put together, and a cube-thingy to replace in the bedroom (shelves/dresser thing). also some cleaning and...oh yeah! moving my tower to the tv so that i have a HUGE monitor for my computer! :d that will make stuff so much more interesting, oh and hey... i might actually use it sometimes! heh!! wish me luck!

better now

i seem to be over my super-depressive mood that i was in last time i posted. i had a good venting session today and made up my mind about a lot of things. i am going to move. not sure where yet, but i'm getting out of this pit that i am stuck in, and the west coast is the place for me. i still am not 100% sure when i am leaving either... that all depends on the financial situation facing me in the next few weeks/months...

i dont care about boys anymore. i'm going to be 26 in a few months, and have had a lot of setbacks in the last few years. yeah i'm a little behind on where i thought i would be, but i know a few good guys who would give a lot to date me in san diego...so i dont need to feel desperate any more. i'm not even sure desperate is the right word, just the only one that comes to mind. but either way, i'm not in the mood to date in this state anymore... too many immature rednecks for my taste. *shrugs* anyway...

i'm feeling a little more optimistic about my life tonight, even though i'm sick as hell. but i am determined to make the decisions i need to make, and do what i need to do to fulfil these goals as of right now. wish me luck!

what is going on with me?

so i knew where i was going in life. i had a path. i was going to be a teacher, i was going to be an army wife. i was going to get married, have kids, and have the house with the white picket fence and animals too. then i woke up one day, and the original ideas were gone. no longer was there a fiancée, the army, or the idea of kids and suburbia with that person.

ok...i got up, and moved on.

then i knew where i was going again. this time it was going to be an accountant. had the house, had the dog, had the guy who could have been "the one", i wake up in the hospital after being told i am dying. got cheated on, gave up on accounting, said goodbye to the boyfriend, and hello to crohn's disease.

ok... so i got up... and its now a year later

when to tech school, got certified. still have the dog, got the apartment and a car. have a decent job. lonely as hell. i dont know what i want to do any more. i was laying her listening to the stormy weather, and was just remembering listening to it when i was younger. when i had the "perfect" ideas of what my life was going to be like. then i realized that, i have no idea what anything is anymore. i barely know who i am. i used to be so self confident, and i had it all figured out. now, i dont know what i'm doing from one day to the next, and i don't have anyone in mind do do anything with. max loves me, but he's a dog. i need more than him.

unfortunately now the questions i face are something like: where do i want to live? where do i want to work? what do i see myself doing in 5 years? hell, in 5 months! when am i going to find a good guy? do i want kids ever? do i want to continue going to college? do i even want to care anymore?

what do you do when you are at the precipice and have no idea which direction to take? i used to know these things.... 8 years ago i stood at the edge of the cliff, but knew i was going to jump. now, at coming closer to 26, i am afraid to jump, because i have no idea even where the cliff edge is. its seems like i am standing in the dark in the rain, and can't get out because i can't see where to go.

i am torn in many directions, and i feel like i am being pulled every which way by all the people i know and care about. my family wants me in seattle, my parents want me in fargo, my friends want me in san diego and little rock. where do i want to be? i can answer that, but it makes no sense: i want to be all those places. and it becomes harder when i go see these people, and all i hear is: when are you moving out here? i know they just love me, and want me to be close, but i just can't be pulled much further. there are days it is tempting to just find some place random on a map, and move there... where i have no family and friends, where there is no one pulling at me. i feel like the toy stretch armstrong, but even those limbs tore after too much strain.

i am really at a point where i just don't know what to do anymore about anything. it all seems like one big, confusing, frustrating, stressful mess. and there is the idea in my brain to just stop caring about it all, hide under the bed, and just avoid life. i know that isn't healthy, so i still get up every morning. i still go to work. i still talk to my friends and family, even though they dont seem to get it. (but that isn't their fault... i wouldn't want to be in my head either.)

i do know what i want. i want to be happy. i want to be healthy. i would like to find a great guy to fall in love with, and not be hurt by this time. eventually i would like to get married. i would like to have a house, and a car, and still have my dog. maybe kids... i want a job that i enjoy. i want to be financially stable. but the problem is getting there. i just dont know how to get there...

mi vida loca

so i went to san diego, and came back... was back barely a few weeks before i get the call that my grandfather was ill. he passed away a week ago wednesday, so i obviously went to seattle to see him and be with my family. i got back wednesday night, and was trying to unpack and get my life back to normal when i have to go to the ER! *sigh* apparently if you've had an inner ear infection before, and you fly alot, you develop something called meniere's disease. so i was suffering from horrible vertigo and nausea. they drugged me up good, and i slept all last night, and most of the day today. i'm still having a few moments of dizziness occasionally, but i seem to be doing better.

i got back to a clean house, which was very sweet of my friends (they did it so i wouldn't have to after my grandfather's death), but that also meant an empty fridge :P so i adventured out to grocery shop, and am very proud of my purchases (i got healthy food!). and since i shop at walmart, i found some awesome other stuff that made my night. :3 i am going to take the rest of my medication, and go zone out so i wont be dizzy for work tomorrow.

Mother Nature is Bipolar in the South

So not that I am complaining, because believe me, I love both extremes... but yesterday it was 67degrees... today its barely hovering above freezing, and it SNOWED! Now dont get me wrong, because I turn into a two-year old when it comes to true snow ("SNOW! SNOW!!!!"), I love the snow. We have a bond. It does wonderful things. But tomorrow it is being predicted that it will be in the high 60's again. *sigh* Mother nature needs a good dose of Seroquel to keep her moods stabalized around here... because though I do love the warm weather, overnight the cold mixing in with the warm coming through will probably cause some tornados... March is supposed to be rainy and cool... like 50s...not snow! :D (But I did spend a while outside this morning playing with Max in the snow... and I have been lazy all day wishing I could be out in it before it starts melting...)

Its that Time again!

Self Challenge time! I'm ready! I'm bound and determined to become healthy and fit like I was before. 3 months of healthy eating and exercise goals already thought out, so i just have to follow them! Love it!

I'm ready to be me again - back down in size and back up in health!

www.self.com/challenge (you can be my friend and we can work out together, just email me before you sign up and i'll send you an invite)

Rant: Stupidity in Little Rock Continues

Ok so last night, the Little Rock city council or someone in power passed a new Pit Bull Ordinance. I now have to get my dog fixed (which was done years ago), get him a microchip, get him licensed, registered, and get a permit for him. I also have to pay several fees for all of that. Oh, and don't forget I have to get a picture taken of myself and my dog to keep on file, as well as place a sticker on my window that shows I have a "dangerous dog" in my house that is visible to the street. All of this has to be done by May 20th. If that isn't excessive, I don't know what is!

Thankfully, I'll be moving to San Diego shortly after that, so if they pass any more stupidity, I wont be here. But it just seems excessive to do all this to my dog, and for my dog, when he hasn't done anything to hurt anyone. He is the sweetest dog I've ever met...anyone who has played with him will tell you so! I think this is stupid and ignorant and paranoid. Thankfully though, LR didn't do what Sherwood did about pitbulls - they had to register their dogs, and get them tattooed with a number (yes, like the Jews in WWII). If their dogs ever got caught out, or without a tattoo, the first time its a $1000 fine, the second time, the dog gets put to sleep. Fortunately, a lot of vets apparently testified before the council to not get the dogs banned, or tattooed!

more fun in san diego

so i have had a blast. i leave in the morning (which sucks) but i guess its time to go back to work. we had a blast today! attended the epic fail of the project chanology raid at the church of scientology today in san diego - at our largest, there were 7 of us "protesting". i will put pictures up on flickr later. :D

i also went shopping, dragging friends around north county fair mall. then dinner with Shane & other friends ( haven't seen shane in a long time!) after that it has been just playing with my laptop that now works wonderfully thanks to two people! (thank you again!!!) *yay no more vista!!* w00t for linux!

anyway - i will have pictures up later of the vacation and stuffs for viewing pleasure :D

So Cal So Far

So it has been a blast a second around here so far! I've gotten to see several of my old friends, drank more than my share of a LOT of stuff... stuffed my face at some of my favorite places & seen some people I hadn't expected to see!

Thursday I got here, and went directly to Karl Strauss Brewery & Beer Garden for lunch with my friend Ben. I hadn't seen him since just before I moved to Arkansas! After that I picked up Bobby and we went to see his girl, Megan, at work. Shortly after being served free coffee (*mmmmm tall skinny mocha for free*) we met my old friend Ryan P for margaritas! MARGARITAS!!!!!!! Anyway.... pineapple coconut ritas @ chevys.... yummy! I went to Kit Carson park after that and turned into a 5 year old again - playing on the swings & climbing on the rocks with Bobby for hours. I got to meet up with my ex-boyfriend Devin and his old roommate Danny, who both were awesome! I hadn't seen Devin in a very very long time, and Danny in even longer. That was a great blast from the past!!! :D After that I just went back "home" and fucked off for the night.

Friday I played around all morning, had breakfast cooked for me, and then ran around San Diego. Lunch at Rubios! I miss good Baja-style mexican food! We went out to R O'Sullivans Friday night and listened to a pretty decent cover band and DRANK!! Bobby and Ryan and Megan were there, and I actually ran into some of my oldest friends from San Diego that I thought were lost forever. Brant and Rachel were my "neighbors" when Mike had his apartment on 9th in Esco. I looked over, and there they were at the bar! It was so exciting! I was so happy to see them, and they bought me a drink, and Brant made a fool of us by dragging us out on the dance floor for a cover of a doors song. That was so funny I couldn't stop laughing all night. It was soooo loud that we had to communicate by text messages. After that we just drank back at the house, with Ryan crashing at Dan's with me :D

So now we are to today - "breakfast" at Red Robin *yay steak fries* and coffee at Champagne bakery. Katamari Damacy is such a fucking psycho game! Dan made me play it before we went out. Now its me & Lacey watching Dan cringe getting more work on his tatt done. So of course I'm taking pictures of his funny cring-y faces. Gonna go to the beach via Del Dios (so I can take pictures) later and then SHOP!!!! I can't wait!

fucking stupidity

ok this one totally files as a rant! i hate my coworkers today! I'm so sick of every little petty bullshit thing that goes on here that i could just walk out and never look back. unfortunately, i will need this as a reference when i move to san diego, so i'm stuck... but oh the thought of flipping off my coworkers as i leave just warms my heart. *rolls eyes* all i ever ask is that people are respectful and not stupid, but apparently that is too much to ask of people who are supposed to be adults and professional here. *shrugs* guess i'm one of the few actual adults here... there will be few that i will miss, thats for sure!

thursday cannot get here fast enough! i'm down to counting down hours at this point, and trying to get started packing (later). at least i know what stupidity i'll be facing when i get there!

countdown has begun!

I have less than four full days before I leave for my San Diego trip! I'm all squirmy! :D I can't wait to get out there, and have SOOOOO much fun! In fact, due to my increasing amount of stuff I need to take care of before I leave, I just turned down working a double today (which would have been about 7 hrs of overtime) so that I can get everything done! It will be worth it when i come back though. I'm very ready for this vacation!

at work today...

So my new attitude has apparently not been appreciated by my extremely immature coworkers. Some have noticed, some are too caught up in creating drama they haven't noticed yet. But overvall, I have decided to be "zen" about all this - I don't give a damn! Its a great feeling! I have apparently been blacklisted at work, somewhere some of my coworkers apparently decided i'm not to be spoken to, helped, or associated with. *shrugs* Works for me, less bullshit and more iPod I say! :D And since I'm all "fuck it" about everything, if they want to hate me, more power to them! I enjoy the peace and quiet of being able to get my job done in a timely fashion without stupidity. Its wonderful to realize I am going to be able to do what I want now at work too! They will continue to be hateful and stupid, and I'll continue ignoring them in pursuit of ending my workday peacefully. *sigh* Its such a great feeling!

meh

I'm ready for a break. I need my vacation bad. I need to get away for a little bit to see that there is more to life than sitting on my couch after work. I need to see people who care about me (not that people here don't, but sometimes its nice to feel wanted, instead of just here). I want fun and excitement and different. Lately all I've been is bored, tired, and ordinary. I have decided tonight that I am going to do things right. I need to move. Period. Arkansas has done what I needed it to do for me, but I need more. I will definitely be moving to San Diego sometime this year. The sooner the better. *Prays mom wins the lottery soon*

I'm also done being bored. I have to look at life differently. I need to be who I am, not what I got beaten into being. I am tired of being boring and tired. I might be tired, but its going to be because I've been having fun. I'm 25, and I'm fairly healthy. I've been given a second chance to live, and so far I haven't been doing much with it, and I'm ashamed to admit that. I need to have fun, and do more than just sit on my couch and talk to people online. Now, I'm not saying that I don't enjoy that, because I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't, but I know there is more to life than this. I will be doing all I can to have a good time, and stay in a positive mood from now on. I need to focus on moving, and being healthy. My vacation to San Diego in two weeks will definitely help that. It will improve my mental well-being, which should improve everything else. Plus it will help everything else seem real, and it will help solidify my intentions on moving.

I know I said before on this very blog I need to take better care of myself. Well I finally have the motivation! My fear is being replaced by a "fuck it" attitude. By that, I mean that I am tired of feeling like I can't do anything in my life. I can do whatever I want, and fuck whoever tries to get in my way. I've been a big girl for a while now, so I need to stop thinking like a child, and just do the things I want. I am going to get as many tattoos as I want, or dye my hair whatever color I choose, or pierce everything I can on my body if that is what I want to do. I'm going to be who I want, where I want, when I want, and how I want. Thankfully. Now, its time for me to get ready for work tomorrow, with my new attitude... I'm not sure how that is going to go, but I know I'm gonna have fun anyway!

up to my knees

the excuses for reasons not to see me when i go to san diego next month just keep piling around me. soon, i'll have to dig my way out if i'm not careful. what makes me mad is all of these people are supposed to be my friends, and have been begging me to come visit forever. now that i am finally going to be out there, everyone has better things to do: work trip out of the country (so far only acceptable one), trip out of town even though they KNEW when i was coming and their trip was planned after, stupid bullshit drama. i'm half expecting to hear someone say they have to wash their hair those days that i'm there. *rolls eyes* what is sad is i have friends in other cities who would really love to see me, but instead of going to see them, i planned san diego so that i could see a majority of people, but now they dont want to see me. pathetic. i'm glad at least this is showing me who my real friends are.

horor-scope

so i get my daily horoscope free every day from my cell phone carrier, and sometimes they seem like a fortune cookie reading, but the one i got today was just very on point:

Cancer: You can no longer tolerate a toxic work environment, so it's time to head for greener pastures.

i thought that was hilarious! i have been so frustrated at work lately, that this just seems like the most perfect fortune cookie/free horoscope i've gotten in a long time. just had to share with everyone!

oh and i forgot to mention

this is how ghetto it is where i used to live...in the night picture of the snow below, the corner of the building with the bush is where a guy got shot to death three days after this picture is taken. that picture was taken from my front door. (so glad i don't live there anymore!)

snow?!?!?!?!!?

oh i will be so excited if it really snows today! I love the snow! it's really only supposed to be a "wintery mix" which means crap weather - snow and sleet and freezing rain... basically its cold enough for the rain to freeze and stick to the ground and freak everyone out. thankfully, if it does this, i'll be home! (which means i WONT be stuck at work for 2 days...it has happened) i'm not sure max likes the snow, because a few years ago when it snowed really bad for a few days, i don't think he could quite figure it out... :D it was fun to watch him sniff around in the snow and try to eat the falling snowflakes. so here is my hope for the day: i hope it snows real snow, and not that freezing rain mix nonsense! *crosses fingers* oh please oh please oh please! the last pictures i have of the snow were from Valentines Day 2004.... it was soooo pretty

girls night out

i so needed that! my amy and i went to fox and the hound tonight, and played who knows how many games of pool... it was a blast. loud music, drinks all around and our own pool table...it almost couldn't have been better! i got to see my nephew tonight also, which was fun. he learned a few new things this week, so i got entertained. also, i took a few pictures, so those should be up on flickr tomorrow maybe ? but this was the best way i could think to kick off my three day weekend! i'm glad i went out! (i'm also really glad class got canceled.) i just hope the rest of my weekend will be this fun/relaxing!

whoo hoo!

alright! class got canceled, i'm off for the next 3 days, i've got girls night tonight, AND its supposed to snow tomorrow! if this night gets any better, I'm gonna start getting paranoid! heheh

computer stupid

so i have decided that i will admit my computer stupidity.

*stands up* Hello, my name is Kendra, and I am a dumbass when it comes to fun computer stuff. *sits back down*

ok so now that i've admitted the problem, i can now hopefully work on my recovery. I used to have an idea or two about these things when i lived in california, but it seems now that i have moved away from the smart people, i lost iq points. it was as though crossing the state line dropped my intelligence by about 30pts. apparently bible belt means "technology bad". thankfully, my recovery has begun. i have been given some information, and will hopeully get back some of my smarts when i spend a weekend in Cali again here shortly. (the trick will be retaining it once i cross the border again) I used to be able to build towers and such, but i was never the genius when it came to internet stuff...editing, languages, etc. now, in arkansas, you may as well forget taking classes on these things... the idea of a computer class at the college i attend is "this is a mouse, this is a keyboard". *sigh* guess i'll just have to do it on my own!

zombies!

ok so i'm listening to this very disjointed discussion on surviving a zombie attack by a friend of mine... and its hilarous! the thought processes on zombies the listeners have just makes me laugh until i can't stop crying! i always have loved zombie movies, and even some games... (see resident evil, best of both worlds: game and movie) but this makes me realize that if the zombies DO attack, i'm screwed! i think i'll be safest if i'm with my friend who spent the time to put together this survival guide... he's heavily armed and has obviously put a lot of thought into how to survive. so... if zombies ever do land... i'll be listening to this again and hoping for the best! (if you are worried about the zombie influx, i'll happily let you hear this, so you as well can be prepared)

*argh*

so working during the dayshift is a pain in the ass - i can't wait to leave!!! i am about ready to scream at some of my coworkers, and also ready to just walk out i think. i can't decide. maybe i'll just scream and then leave early, so i don't hurt something. *shrugs* i got no sleep last night, i'm starting to get sick, and i'm stuck in the clean room with 2 of the more annoying coworkers i have. if i don't get out of here soon, i think i'll go crazy!! i just want to go home and sleep for a week, and wake up with my house clean, my fridge full, my dog groomed, and my paycheck here. *sigh* i can dream can't i ??

another 330am

so here i sit again, pondering life against the elevator music. well.. i was, until i remembered i brought my own music today. i have tuned out Barry Manilow! anyway - i have made some decisions about life and such... my life specifically. though i could make decisions about other peoples lives, i think they'd just assume i'm crazy, and wouldn't follow them. stupid free will. anyway... i have decided to better take care of myself... both mentally and physically. over the last few years, my health has come first, and has left my mental state broken and shattered. the discovery of my illness, followed shortly by two surgeries, a tumultus relationship and an even worse breakup have come close to breaking me. i am finally realizing i can live with my illness, and be alone and be alright. its still hard to find the motivation some days to get going, especially the "sick" days. but as long as i take care ofmyself, i should be alright...*crosses fingers* i have not only been recently tending to my fragile emotional state, but also tending to my almost forgotten physical state. its amazing what you forget when you are on the verge of hospitalization! i've never been a very high maintenance girl, but i think maybe its time to get in a habit of being at least medium maintenance. i got my hair done the other day, and i felt like a new person - it had been so long. i am finally off the horrible medication that made me sick all the time, and helped me gain 30lbs...so i am in a position to get back my body after my 2 surgeris, and 2 years of not being able to exercise. i have decided to become a gym rat - and a nutrition watcher. it will help my health, and my overall well being, as a movie once said " exercise gives you endorphines. endorphines make you happy. happy people just don't shoot their husbands" - maybe thats why i wanted to shoot my ex boyfriend - not enough exercise! heheheh anyway. i'm going to be the person i was before, but only better. lets just hope i have the support to make these changes! wish me luck

ok so shortly thereafter

i am still bored, but i have good news! for the first time in 2 years, i was not horribly ill on new years! *woo* i spent it at work, but nothing is perfect. i at least was enjoying the night... which i'm sure i would have just spent sleeping if i had been home. *shrugs*

so for updates - in case anyone actually is reading this thing:

i have made my plans to go to soCal for february 7 - february 11 of 2008! i'll be staying at a friends house in Rancho Bernardo, and i will have a rental car... so i'm all up for anyone who wants to go out! but start picking timeslots quick - i'm already going to disneyland one day with at least 2 people, so you are welcome to join (just remember, you have to pay for your own self). otherwise everything else seems to be unplanned as of yet.

i have decided i'm moving somewhere very soon. my lease is up in may, and unless my dad disowns me for not moving to Fargo, i'll be moving to San Diego! *yay again* i'm not sure what part or exactly what the plan is... but its gonna happen eventually. either that or i will kill myself trying. i can't stand this ultraconservative, bible -thumping, redneck state. *shudders* thankfull i'll be leaving the bible belt one way or another!

boredom reigns

0330 is a shitty time to be at work. especially when you work where i do. it is slow, boring, and otherwise a useless waste of time. i could be dreaming of naked penguins playing golf, or something else interesting, but no, i am at work, where i am not allowed to sleep. i cannot access the good or interesting websites. i can't even watch tv. *sigh* whats a girl to do to stay awake when she is being underutilized by her pharmacist? at least last night the pharmacist i worked with brought music so we cranked the tunes and stayed busy (i acutally was able to help and was entertained for hours). unlike tonight, where the pharmacists choice of music is the easy listening station... *zzzzzz*... oh sorry *startled* i must have dozed off to the elevator music. i can't even play good games online because of our stupid internet restrictions. so i am reduced to a puddle of my former self, exhausted beyond belief, my ears wanting to bleed from the horrible music (I think they actually just played jonh tesh...i may just inject myself with something deadly to make it end!), and my eyes straining to stay open. if i had something more exciting to do than write on a blog about being bored, i might wake up some. but alas, kendra is out of ideas...